Attention to Detail

There is an old saying that goes something akin to, “The devil is in the details.” That may or may not be true, but I’ve learned recently that even if the slimy bugger is there, so is God. God is most definitely in the details.

 

“He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name.” Psalm 147:4

 

Last week I took on a long overdue project. I am a master procrastinator. It’s something of an art form for me. I had a white serving tray that desperately needed to be repainted.  Actually, I had repainted it about 18 months ago. It was an ugly, beat up brown tray I painted bright white. On to which, I then proceeded to stencil some very mod black chandeliers. I think it was at the height of my Mad Men phase. It turned out pretty cute but I never did seal the darn thing so, with two kids and the hubs, it got pretty beat up pretty fast. Life is like that it, isn’t it? We start out so great and then we fail to finish strong. Ugh. Alas, that is a subject for another day.

 

   The before pic. I started to prime it before I thought to snap a pic. It wasn't really that dirty.

Anyway, back to the tray. Design wise, I have happily returned to my shabby chic, rustic roots. Let me pause for a deep breath here. It just feels good to surround yourself with stuff that feels like you, like home, doesn’t it?  So, my design plan for the tray was to repaint the whole thing ivory and then do a teal chevron pattern on the surface.  I’d never painted chevrons, but really, how hard could it be? Um, yeah. Special Note To My Kids: Yes, you will indeed use math when you get older. I promise.

 

I had to carefully measure the length and width, find the half way points, find the mid points again and then tape it off matching up each mid-point with it’s corresponding point on the opposite side. I needed to measure to the sixteenth inch or the chevrons came out askew and failed to create the desired effect. It was tedious.  It was time consuming. It was frustrating. But, in the end, I am happy I took the time and I am generally pleased with the outcome,save a few paint smudges. I paid attention to the details and it paid off.

   First round of paint done. Chevrons measured and taped. Ready to carefully cut out the design.

  I traced, with a sharpie, the tape that should stay. Ready to paint with the ivory.

 With the beginning of the New Year I have once again begun my bible in a year reading plan. In addition to devotional reading with the fam and bible study with my girlfriends, the yearly plan is one that remains a constant in my spiritual growth. As you might have guessed, I started at the beginning: Genesis. I was reading the instructions God gave to Noah for building the ark. Such details God gave. Exact measurements, precise materials, minute details. At the same time I was reading this, the hubs was reading about the Ark of the Covenant and the Tabernacle. Again, no detail left out. Nothing overlooked. No direction forgotten. All necessary information was included and all information included was necessary.

 

“But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it – he will be blessed in what he does.” James 1:25

 

God cares about the details. He cares about our attention, our obedience to the details. He doesn’t call for us to skim His commandments and get the general idea and mostly follow them. No. We are to know them, to wear them on our hearts, to live them, in every detail. I’m not talking legalism here. I’m speaking of wisdom, of obedience. Just as with my tray, when we attempt short cuts, when we fail to fully obey, we fail to achieve the desired effect. We fail to receive the full blessing of God because we fail to fully obey Him.

 

“Love the LORD your God and keep his requirements, his decrees, his laws and his commands always.” Deuteronomy 11:1

 

As believers we have all been told that God can answer prayers three ways. Right? He can say yes, no or not now. But often, I am convinced, the yes answers come with conditions. Often, God may say, “Yes, child. And here is what it will take to see this come to fruition.”  But we act like kids and plug our ears and start humming after we hear just the “yes” part. We don’t really want to know what it will take, what our responsibility is, what we may be called to give up or go do to see our answered prayer become a reality. God says yes, but, scared of giving up our comfortable, self-centered life, we say, “Never mind.”  

 

“Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession . . .”  Exodus 19:5

 

The details of what it takes to obey, to receive the blessings of God, to have the promised freedom of Christ, are where we become like the rich young ruler. The young ruler, upon being told by Jesus that he would need to give up everything to follow Him, turns around and leaves. And, just as with the ruler, Jesus doesn’t change his standards and run after us. The bar has been set. Will we let go of everything else to take hold of that which has been promised to us?  What if, upon hearing the measurements of the ark, Noah said, “Never mind. It’s too hard.” What if, upon hearing the detailed attention required for the Tabernacle, Moses and the Israelites refused because God asked too much of them. God’s purpose would still have been accomplished. He and His plan are bigger than our no’s for sure. But, Noah and Noah’s family would feel the effects of Noah’s refusal. The Israelites and their families would have felt the effects of their refusal.  

 

“And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.” 2 John 1:6

 

Refusing to obey God, to pay attention to His details, is not a victimless crime. What are you saying no to? Who is suffering the effects of your refusal?

 

“This calls for patient endurance on the part of the saints who obey God’s commandments and remain faithful to Jesus.” Revelation 14:2

 

Here is my finished tray. It’s not perfect. But, following instructions and attention to detail got me a lot closer to the desired outcome. It usually does.

 

                                   

 

 

 

Bread, Cookies & Cake, Oh My

Oh the weather outside is frightful... Um, yeah. 90 degrees in the middle of November? I'd say that's pretty freakin' scary.

But... last week it was a cool as a cucumber 74 degrees. Brrrr! Laugh if you must, all of my friends who are watching actual leaves change color instead of putting out faux fall foliage as I am forced to do. But, if you live in Arizona as I am blessed to do, you know anything below 80 degrees in November could qualify as a true miracle of God. And, as miraces are not to be wasted, last week I donned my apron, made just for me by my bestie in Texas, and took to the kitchen for some much anticipated baking.

The firs thing I made, by request from E, were snickerdoodles. Come to think of it, everything I've made lately has been by request from E. Hmmm... good thing I'm still head over heels for this guy.

E came to discover he liked snickerdoodles when he tried one just to be nice to his wife who had labored in the kitchen all day doing some holiday baking a few years ago. For years he claimed he was not a sugar cookie fan and the snickerdoodle was just a dressed up version of the same. If you are a snickerdoodle fan, you know what a grave error of assumption he made. Now, when I bake them, he enjoys one every morning with his coffee. If you have not had a snickerdoodle, um, why? Try one. You will be hooked, especially if you use this recipe adapted from the queen of holiday baking, Martha Stewart. By the way, these are the perfect accompaniment to my favorite fall tradition, the pumpkin spice latte.

      All you need to make these yummy little treats. In fact, you don't even need the baking soda. I know, prop picture fail. Am I lazy since I didn't reshoot the picture?

    Two of my favorite baking tools: my jadite mixing bowl and sifter. The sifter was my grandmothers and the one I have used since I was a young girl. I love thinking of her everytime I use it. Sifting the flour is key in this recipe! I know it's one extra step, but the end result is so worth the effort.

      Mix the dough until it is very light and fluffy, approximately 3 minutes. This is key for a fluffy cookie as opposed to a very flat cookie. But, I can tell you from experience, a flat cookie still tastes pretty darn good! 

    Also, I pop the dough in the freezer while I prepare the cinnamon sugar. It's easier to roll slightly chilled. 

     The cinnamon / sugar mix. Play with the ratio if you want. After trial and error, I found my family definitely prefers more sugar than cinnamon. 

    It takes longer, but I only bake 8 at a time and I don't double up on trays in the oven. I find I get a more even bake and the cookies have room to spread out a little. Don't we all need our space?

    See? They're super fluffy and oh so soft. Make sure to eat one while they're still warm, preferably with a cup of coffee. That's when they're best and hey, after all, you deserve it!

Snickerdoodles

2 3/4 cups all purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened

1 1/2 cups sugar (for the dough)

2 tablespoons sugar (for the cinnamon sugar coating)

2 large eggs

2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line baking sheets with parchment paper. Tip: Spray your baking sheet with a little cooking spray first to help the parchment paper adhere better to the tray. 

2. Sift together the flour, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.

3. Put butter and 1 1/2 cups sugar in the bowl of an electric stand mixer. Using the paddle attachment, mix on medium speed until pale and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add eggs and mix until just combined.

4. With speed set to low, gradualy mix in the flour mixture. Tip: put the dough in the freezer now while you prepare the cinnamon sugar. Chilled dough is much easier to work with.

5. Combine 2 tablespoons sugar and 2 teaspoons cinnamon. Roll the dough into 2 inch balls. Roll each ball of dough in the cinnamon sugar and place on the baking sheet about 3 inches apart.

6. Bake about 10-12 minutes. I have a gas oven and found that my cooking time is reduced to 10 minutes. Depending on your oven, your time may be a little longer. Just watch them. When the edges are golden, so are you. Cool on a wire rack.

     Yummo - my new favorite breakfast. Homemade bread and butter. Oh baby. 

Next up in my baking bonanza could be my new favorite recipe for it's ease and the amazing results you get from such little effort. Homemade bread, using only 4 ingredients, none of which include dairy or sugar and, the best part, no kneading. Seriously. I was skeptical too, but I am a convert now. In fact the whole family loves this bread. If you are a traditionalist who needs the bread to be in a pretty loaf shape, this may not be for you. But, if you are a rule breaker like me, have a go. I think you will be delightfully surprised.

Super Simple Bread

Combine in a large mixing bowl the following: 4 cups bread (high gluten) flour, 2 cups whole wheat flour, 1/2 teaspoon active dry yeast, 2 1/2 teaspoons salt. Slowly add cool water, about 2 1/2 to 3 cups. Add it slowly and work it in with your hands until the ingredients have come togther. The dough should be sticky and moist, but not dripping wet. Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and let it rise 8-10 hours, or overnight.

After the first rise, remove the dough from the bowl and fold it over just a couple of times until it forms sort of a ball. I promise, that's all the kneading there is to do! Place the dough, seam side down, on a smooth, cotton towel sprinkled generously with flour. Do not use a terry cloth towel. A linen napkin will work as well. Fold the corners up over the dough and let it rise again for about 1 1/2 hours.

      Make sure to get enough flour on the towel so your bread doesn't stick. I'm pretty sure 

      this is one of the best gifts I've ever unwrapped!

At the one hour point on the second rise, preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Place a dutch oven or large pot with a lid in the oven as it preheats. You want the oven and pot very hot when it's baking time.

After the second rise, carefully place the bread in your preheated pot. You may need to shake the pot a little bit to help the bread even out and settle. 

     I wish I had a legit Dutch oven, but I don't. However, my stainless steel pot works just fine.

Bake covered for 40 minutes. Remove the lid and continue baking another 15 minutes. Cool on a wire rack. 


Now, some people save carrot cake for the spring, and more specifically for Easter. Not sure why, but for us, carrot cake has always been a autumny recipe. Yes, before the grammar police, a.k.a. E, start firing off comments, I know the correct word is autumnal. But, I have a rule. Simply add a 'y' to any word and it become an adjective. Hence. autumny. So, try my carrot cake. It may be just the fally recipe for which you've been searching.

     My sweet family ate this carrot cake so fast after I made it I a) didn't get a picture of the complete cake, and b) was barely able to get this slightly blurred pick before my girlies had dessert. 

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour a 9x13 inch pan.
2. Grate carrots until you have about 3 cups. Set aside.
3. In a large bowl, beat together 4 eggs, 1 1/4 cups oil, 2 cups white sugar and 2 teaspoons vanilla. Beat until doubled in volume and very pale in color. Mix in 2 cups flour, 2 teaspoons each baking soda & baking powder, 1/2 teasponn salt and 2 teaspoons cinnamon. Stir in carrots. Fold in 1 cup finely chopped pecans. Pour into prepared pan. Hint: If the batter looks kinda gross and nothing like anything you'd ever put in your mouth... yay! You're on the right track!
4. Bake in the preheated oven for 40 to 50 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean. Let cool in pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack and cool completely. To me, it sort of resembles a giant oatmeal cookie when it is finished baking. 
5. To Make Frosting: In a medium bowl, combine 1/2 cup softened butter, 8 oz cream cheese (one block), about 4 cups confectioners' sugar and 1 teaspoon vanilla. Beat until the mixture is smooth and creamy. Frost the cooled cake. Enjoy!

That concludes this week's carb celebration. I hope your autumn is in full, fiery red and orange, leaf falling, apple picking swing. May it be cold enough to have a fire and snuggle, yet mild enough to get out and enjoy this most wonderful of seasons. 

Make Way For Ducklings

 Yay! Spring has finally sprung around our place. In fact, we may have skipped spring and gone traight from winter into summer. But, we're not complaining!  After snow in April and freezing temps in May, we are welcoming the sunshine and mild weather with thankful hearts and open arms. While we continue to pray for rain, we are most grateful for God's provision of these warm, beautiful days so that we may get some work done outside. 

I am so excited that our garden is finally, at last (after a couple of failed attempts) underway. In fact, not only is it underway, we actually have sprouts. We look forward to a harvest of corn, squash, beans, peppers, cucumber and lettuce. Not to mention, our herbs we started in containers are doing well. We planted basil, rosemary and, our favorite, cilantro. 

     Our little patch of land that would become the garden. 

      Building the planter box. We used three 1 x 12 planks and built a 12 x 6 box. And by "we"

      I, of course, mean Erik. 

    See? I did help some. 

    The completed box before we filled it with soil and compost.

    This is a victory garden indeed as we definitely felt victorious after filling it with 5 truckloads

    of soil and compost. We had the help of some awesome friends who not only picked the dirt up

    in their truck but helped to fill the box as well. 

    Corn

     Summer Squash

     Cilantro. Yum!!

And, there is an unexpected addition to our spring line up: five sweet, Blue Swedish ducks, courtesy of some generous friends who gave us some from their brood. The ducks are cute and fun, and most important, they are dearly loved by all of us. Well, almost all of us love the ducks. Bella the Beagle is still warming to them. We are excited to have eggs in about 4 months and thrilled to up our pet total from one to six. And, in response to the question we seem to get most often: no, we will not be¨ eating these ducks. We've named them, how could we eat them? The girls named them (until we figure out for sure our male to female ratio): Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville and Luna. Fitting, as they are quite magical little creatures if I do say so myself.

Of course, our ducks needed a home. I had to smile and giggle as Erik, who merely tolerated our decision to get the ducks, attempted to use some scrap pallets to build their home. When the pallets truned out to be a bit more worn than we anticipated, he decided it just wouldn't do for our little feathered friends. He went and bought all new wood and wire and built them a duck mansion.  He was even patient enough to let the girls get in on the fun.  They loved helping their daddy and learning to use his new tools. 

     Hahahaha - If you know my girls, you know why this is indeed picture perfect!

    They had so much fun helping daddy.

     Eventually we will add an upper shelf with a ramp for a nesting area. But the ducks already

     love their new digs.

So, what to do with all that pallet wood we collected for the ducks? Erik, determined to not let it go to waste, tackled a few other honey-do projects. How blessed am I that it brings him joy to make me things? Here are a few of the projects he completed:

 A pallet tray for my patio table.

    Jilly made this for me for Mother's Day.                                   

    A shelf for my kitchen to hold some of my dry goods. This is such a great storage solution

    in our little kitchen. I painted the rims of the mason jars a mint color and the top of each is painted in chalkboard paint and labeled with the contents.

     My Valentine's Day present from my love. 

Oh, and the birdcage? I found that in our alley dumpster when we were clearing out some debris from the garden. Score! A fresh coat of light blue paint and it makes quite a cute addition to our cozy living room. 

I can't look around my little backyard farm or home and not see signs of new life, restoration and growth. These are such lovely reminders of the work Christ is doing in my heart daily. I hope your summer is off to a blessed start and continues to be full of the joys and delights that only come in this sunniest of seasons. 

In Christ, 

The Good Life (More or Less)

You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Matthew 7:16

Truth: I am afraid to claim and create the life I desire. I, like most of us have an idea in my head of perhaps not the perfect life, but one which I think would bring me happiness, peace and joy. Is that how we know it is the life to which God has called us? I know God never promises happiness, He promises Holiness when we choose to follow Him. But if I shall know them by their fruits and this dream, this idea, makes me feel peace and joy, and those are certainly of the Holy Spirit, perhaps this dream is a worthwhile pursuit.

The potential of life in the small of her hand.


For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10

If this imagined life seems so lovely, and my dream is within my grasp, of what am I so afraid? The fear comes from letting go of all the dreams and goals I think I am supposed to be chasing. Right? The dreams of this world, i.e. money, status, beauty, success, etc. I am afraid to let go of them because I worry that I am giving up, throwing in the towel, and moreover, that that is exactly what others will think of me. So in my vain attempt to keep everybody pleased with and liking me, I chase dreams I think will make other people happy. Sadly, "other people" is really just a euphemism for "the world."

In church a couple of weeks ago we sang "Arms Open Wide." I stood that Sunday, with outstretched arms and sang the lyrics "I am Yours and You are mine." But my heart hurt for I knew I was being disingenuous at best and a flat out liar at worst. I do want to totally belong to Christ, but I cannot do so with with part of my heart still striving for selfish ambitions. The real truth is not that I fear what others think, but that I don't trust God. I operate under the misguided fear that when I release my clenched fists, my tight grip on the control I so desperately want to maintain, that God will fail me, I will miss out on something or fail to live up to standards nobody has imposed on me but me. I live my life by a list of do and don't rules nailed to a board in my mind. The consequence for breaking these rules is a brutal, endless round of self deprecation.

Coaxing new life to reach for the light and thrive.



and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, 1 Thessalonians 4:11

The beautiful irony of all this is that the crux of this dream I'm afraid to live is a letting go, a surrender, a deep exhale. What is so scary about that? What I crave most is a simple life. Simplicity, at it's finest, provides for a delightfully, whimsical, joyous life. It is not a life void of struggle or heartbreak. It is not a life without tears or sadness. Rather, a simple life is one in which, when trials and problems arise, the things that really matter rise higher and the true source of our joy gently guides us. It is a life where we keep our eyes on the priorities of the day and our minds off tomorrow. This is the life I want. This is the life I seek to create for myself and my family. Simplicity.

On a few rare occasions, for maybe a day or two at a time, I dared to surrender and seek the simple life I want to live. My quest for the simple has led me to the more and less of life. More of the cooking, crafting, and writing I love; Less of the selfish ambitions, the have to's and the time wasted on fruitless comparisons. In my home, simple means less boxed food and more real cooking; less boxed entertainment and more real living. I have found I am happiest when I opt out of the pre-manufactured, processed, life. We live in a world that sells us "the just add water" lifestyle and we buy it up in droves. Want to be entertained? Hit this button and turn this on. Want to lose weight? Get on this machine and eat this powder. Miss your friend? Like their status and send a text. Crave fame or status? Buy this star's clothing label, drive this car and for goodness sake, get a bigger house.





Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:2

Man, I never realized how exhausting it is to constantly worry about me: How do I look? Am I happy? What do I want? I also never realized the full extent of the joy a life lived focusing on others and their happiness and comfort could bring. I am coming out of a season of my life wherein I was over committed, away from my family too much, worried and anxious. It was the antithesis of the life I crave. Thankfully many of those obligations and duties have come to their natural conclusion and I am entering a season wherein I have a bit more time and a bit more freedom. I cannot think of a better time than spring to imagine a new life and dare to live the same. So this is my challenge (my goal?) for myself: to live simply and live surrendered. I know that sounds broad and I will no doubt be writing and posting about the specifics of this endeavor. And, although I want this to become a life long endeavor, I am going to start with a 30 day challenge so that I am prompted to notice measurable changes and stay acutely aware of seeking the simple life each day. Oh my, I feel unburdened and alive in a way I have not previously. I have a feeling my days will not be less busy, but they are bound to be more full.

Hmmm... Have I found the good life?

11 For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, 13 while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.
Titus 2:11-14

We were handed some lemons. We made lemonade. Must do more of that.

All Good Things Must Come to an End...Or Not

Confession: Whenever something good happens or things are going really well, I enjoy it for about two seconds and then move right on to convincing myself not to get too attached because it will come to an end. In the wise words of one of the great philosophers of our time, Garrison Keillor, "We come from people who brought us up to believe that life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this will pass.'"

 I know as a woman of God this is completely insane and antithetical to God's promises for me.  Rather, my heart knows this but my brain gets in the way and tries to convince my heart that indeed, all good things must come to an end. In fact, you know the saying, "hope for the best, prepare for the worst?" It's like the fax that delivered that message to my brain cut off the first part and so my brain operates solely on "prepare for the worst." (If you were born after 1995, you may need to go ask your parents what this 'fax machine' is to which I just referred.) 

I do it with the big stuff for sure, like my children's health or our great house. But, I also go crazy doing it with the little stuff. Like, ok, here's a she's off her rocker confession moment: When I see shows or movies I like pop up on our streaming Netflix, I am confident they are teasers and will be removed as soon as I watch them. For instance, as you may know if you've read previous blogs, I'm a huge Doc Martin fan. I have stopped watching them for awhile because I am convinced Netflix monitors my viewing habits and removes shows I watch frequently in an effort to force me to sign up and pay for their mail order service. So, in an effort not to lose the good stuff, I miss out on the good stuff. 

To be said in the voice of Gru from Despicable Me, "Light bulb."

Is this applicable to other areas of my life? Am I missing out on really enjoying the good stuff because I don't want to miss the good stuff too much later when it will inevitably come to an end? (Trackin'?) Shameful answer pause, followed by head down and whispered response: yes. 

Fall is my favorite season and for the first time ever I live in a place where the leaves actually change and I have already experienced freezing temperatures. I have longed to live in a location where this was the case. Today, however, the temperature will reach about 90 degrees. So, of course, my first thought was, "See. Told ya. I knew the good weather wouldn't last." Really? Really? Ugh, that's so ugly. How about, thank you Jesus for nice weather that allowed my husband to get the yard work done and my kiddos to play outside with their friends. Thank you that it's not 105 degrees. Thank you for moving us to a place with incredible friends. Thank you for letting little ol' me live this life. Um yeah, okay, that feels better than complaining and worrying. Shocker, I know.

Speaking of loving fall and appreciating all of God's blessings, here are some things I am thankful for and glad I didn't miss:

                                   

                                             Picking apples at the apple butter festival at the apple orchards.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

Two of my favorite people to hang out with. Love, love, love them.

                                                                                                                                             

       The don't look posed at all, right?

My heart, my love. Thankful everyday I get to do life with this man.

Every year my birthday gift to myself is decorating for fall. Thus, the Halloween decorations come out in September.

A view from a bridge over the corn maze we did at At'l Do Farms.

In the maze. Although we've done these in Arizona, this was the first time we ever had to bundle up. And, we were still cold. It was perfect!

Erik, indulging my Tom Selleck crush. I love my cowboy.

Our new home school friends from Grace Lubbock  Home School Group at the corn maze.

We went on a hayride and then were allowed to pick pumpkins off the vine. Erik said they could each pick a small one. These are 2 of the 4 pumpkins we came home with that day. Softie.

So, do all good things come to an end? Maybe. Did you the know the original saying can be traced back to Chaucer and he actually said "all things must come to an end." The good part was probably added later by some worrier like myself. So, perhaps all things do come to an end, but I'm pretty sure we're meant to enjoy them along the way. So, I'm off to experience a little more fall and watch another Doc Martin. Life is good, go live it. 

Dreams Are Nothing More Than Wishes And A Wish Is Just A Dream

When I was a little girl I wanted to be a marine biologist / newspaper reporter / detective. Maybe, I thought, I would uncover conspiracies at Sea World and blow the lid off such stories as why an ice cream shaped like a whale costs six stinking dollars when I can get a whole tub for a third of the price anywhere else. Anyway, as I grew older pieces of that dream fell away so that by the time I was in high school I was left wanting to be a reporter. So, of course, when I got to college I majored in....philosophy and religious studies. Whuh? I let other people hijack my dreams and I became convinced that I should go to law school. Totally not their fault, I own this one. Thankfully I only racked up undergrad student loans and realized, before I sank further in debt, that I had no interest in going to law school. But once you make one decision NOT to do something, it begs the next question: what WILL I do? My answer came in the form of a 6 pound 9 ounce delicious, sweet little thing we like to call, Emma. Two years later, hungry for more deliciousness, we gave her a sister, Jilly. I became wrapped up in a dream I never expected to have, but one from which I never wanted to wake up: motherhood.

But, as with all dreams, I am slowly coming out of my slumber. Please don't misunderstand me, the magic of motherhood has not worn off. I am still absolutely, madly in love with these two little people with whom I get to spend nearly all of my time. The thing is, they're not so little anymore. My sweet little 6 pounder turned 12 last week and by December we will be an official double digit household as Jilly will be 10. There is still plenty of mothering left to do - a lifetime's worth. But I had to be completely hands on when they were teeny tinies, and now I am releasing my grasp and enjoying the beauty of watching them become independent individuals with ideas and dreams all of their own. *tear, sigh, tear, sigh*

My big girls riding bikes on Emma's birthday.

What a beauty - inside and out.

This new stage of motherhood has also provided the blessing and the curse of having more time for myself. I am somewhat embarrassed to admit that very often I have NO idea what to do with my free time as I have NO idea of what is, in essence, my next stage of dreaming. I will be 35 next month (seriously?) While I have indeed spent the last few months lamenting that fact and feeling dreadfully sad that my babies are getting older, all of sudden I am excited and exhilarated by the fact that I, just like my girls, have gained some new independence to have and create brand new ideas all of my own.

So, now that I realized what I am NOT anymore, namely the mother of very small children, it begs the question: What next? What do I want to be when I grow up? I have been trying on some different hats and roles and I think I have made one very large mistake. All the credit goes to Erik on this one. He has said to me in the past, and again more recently, "Don't make your role your identity, bring your identity to the role." I am a home schooling minister's wife. Let's all be honest here for a minute. That notion brings up a certain mental image and idea of what that woman should be, right? A little Caroline Ingalls, a little Laura Petry, maybe a dash of Beth Moore and a side of Martha Stewart? I have been gardening, baking bread, sewing, and, yes, even trying to learn to knit. I have had less than stellar results with all of the above. (Except the bread, my bread is pretty yummy if I do say so myself.) These are all noble, admirable hobbies. But, are any of them really, well, me? Maybe, maybe not. I have tried to be and do all these things recently, convincing myself that's what I should be, what I should do. I realize, as I write this, I have once again let someone hijack my dreams: me. Maybe my results have been disappointing because my enthusiasm, my interest has been elsewhere. I realize my hobbies should extend beyond listening to people with British accents and watching Doc Martin reruns (is that really the same hobby???), but I think I need to think a bit outside the box when it comes to interests and meaningful pursuits.

Two things I know I am passionate about: my (not so little) babies.

If you're waiting for the big ah-ha moment wherein I tell you I have discovered my passion and my dreams, you are in for a let down. At least in this blog entry. I'm still not sure what my dreams are, but I do know I have a renewed passion for finding out. I like this writing gig. Who knows? Maybe I'll slip on the old Sherlock hat and head out to Sea World to see if I can finally uncover why none of the shows EVER start on time and why the metal bleachers aren't in the shade...

PS Sorry for the long title, but a discussion of dreams deserves a shout out to Harry.